


Maybe We've Been (A Little Too Guarded From Things That Have Hurt Us)

by irollwiththe6god_withmyangels



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Athletic Trainer Iwaizumi Hajime, Children, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, I watched too much Nicholas Sparks, M/M, Married Life, Post-Time Skip, Pro Volleyball Player Oikawa Tooru, Volleyball
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28422264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irollwiththe6god_withmyangels/pseuds/irollwiththe6god_withmyangels
Summary: No one said marriage was easy but add in a ocean, time difference and the life of athletes and you might as well divorce after the wedding - At least that's what Oikawa's anxiety told him.ORIwaizumi makes compromises for Oikawa. Oikawa lets his anxiety run his life and marriage. Iwaizumi can't stop loving Oikawa even if it hurts. And I'm terrible at summaries and just listen to Us by Keshi.
Relationships: IwaOi, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Kudos: 8





	Maybe We've Been (A Little Too Guarded From Things That Have Hurt Us)

**Author's Note:**

> hiya! so this..i can admit it's not really my brain child (that's another work but we'll see if that ever pans out). i've been listening to phoebe bridger's punisher (bc i hate love?) and a LOT of keshi recently and i kinda got the feel for this angst-y iwaoi piece. i'm a sucker for angst tbh. this took legit a month for the first chapter..it won't be long probably three chapters at most. I srsly did not want to make anyone sit through all of this in one go. Unbeta'd
> 
> https://youtu.be/CLLKAQcEh_Q  
> if you want to cry...there you go.

Iwaizumi would never get tired of the sight in front of him, long limbs tangled in white sheets, toned but lean chest catching the rays of sun, strong hands tucked neatly under a sharp chin and the person who possessed these things. Iwaizumi traced the rings tattooed on his husband’s rib cage, an exact replica of the Olympic logo, as he peered down at the sleeping figure. 

It was a rare moment for Iwaizumi and Oikawa, the latter spent most of his time in Argentina playing volleyball while the former worked diligently for Team Japan as an athletic trainer. Being married and living an ocean away from your partner was kindling for a Nicholas Sparks novel. Iwaizumi took it in stride though, like all things concerning Oikawa Tooru. They scheduled FaceTimes at six in the morning for Tooru and six in the evening for Hajime (thanks 12 hour time difference) everyday and tried to see each other as much as their hectic schedules allowed them to.

Christmas allowed them the most amount of time together, so Oikawa made the trip back to Miyagi to celebrate with Iwaizumi and their families. And here they were, Christmas day in one bed together..separated by only a few centimeters.

“You’re staring” Chirped a voice as warm hands slid up Iwaizumi’s shirtless back. He narrowed his eyes at Oikawa before reaching over to the nightstand and passing his husband his glasses. Oikawa thanked him with a kiss and an awkward hug as the two were still in bed. 

“Merry Christmas, Tooru.” Iwaizumi said as he thumbed over the high cheeks of Oikawa’s face. Sleepy eyes peered up from under thick eyelashes as his husband smiled up at the raven. Iwaizumi felt that these moments were the best ones he shared with Oikawa as the setter held no facade in their bed together. No false smiles or false laughs. Full attention on Iwaizumi and the feeling of endless time together. Before Oikawa could respond, the couple heard feet running down the hallway. 

“Uncle Tooru! Uncle Iwaizumi! Wake up, I want to open presents!” A child’s voice yelled through the door. Feet hopped up and down urgently underneath the door. The couple glanced at each other and Iwaizumi smiled before swinging out of bed. 

“We’re coming, Takeru! Give us five minutes.” Iwaizumi announced as he searched for a top. Pulling on an old Seijoh sweatshirt, the raven turned towards the bed where Oikawa’s body was highlighted by the sun pouring in from the windows. Subtle curves fell below white sheets in Oikawa’s childhood bed. Trophies lined the shelves along with sci-fi books, the wall had an Alien's poster taped up on it. This room was where the couple had spent a lot of time not only watching volleyball matches, studying for finals (and their opponents) but also growing closer to each other. It held a lot of good memories, ones that Iwaizumi yearned to revisit at times. 

Oikawa had finally put on a shirt (one of Iwaizumi’s shirts from Team Japan with his husband’s last name printed on the back) as the raven pulled from his thoughts. The two shuffled down the familiar hallway, down steps they could navigate blindly and into the living room where the Oikawa’s were gathered. The couple sat on the floor as Takeru ripped into his presents, Oikawa’s sister, Teruko, and husband, Hisao, took photos of their oldest son. Miyako, Oikawa’s mother, bounced the newest addition to the family, Kiku. The toddler wasn’t that new as she was approaching four, but rather Oikawa had been quite busy in the last few years to truly spend time with his niece and nephew. 

“Oh Hajime! Can you hold Kiku so I can get you and Tooru some coffee?” Miyako asked as she passed the still sleeping toddler into the trainer’s strong arms. The older woman hurried into the kitchen undoubtedly trying to get away from the ruckus caused by her grandson. Iwaizumi only smiled and rubbed slow circles into the back of Kiku as he watched Takeru rip open his presents. 

For a minute the raven tried to imagine himself and Oikawa as parents with their own house. The thought of parenthood had been temming within Iwaizumi’s mind for some time now, but he had yet to bring it up with his husband. Iwaizumi was supportive of Oikawa’s dreams and had thrown away his chances of compromises from his husband’s end when they got married. It wasn’t that the setter was inherently selfish, he was driven and Iwaizumi wanted to support that. But, the years were going by quicker with each passing and Iwaizumi desired to settle down with the person he loved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oikawa didn’t mean to see that really promising email to Iwaizumi from Team USA offering him a job with their volleyball team. No, Iwa-chan had gone on a run and left his laptop cracked and Oikawa being lazy was going to watch the next episode of America’s Next Top Model (without Hajime..Tooru was evil). But, Iwaizumi had left the email open, center stage for Oikaw to see. 

**To:** [ **iwaizumi.hajime@teamjpn.org** ](mailto:iwaizumi.hajime@teamjpn.org)

**From: taiki.jennings@teamusa.org**

**Subject: RE: Team USA Job Offer**

_ Dear Hajime, _

_ I hope all is well this holiday season. I wanted to follow up on the offer I extended to you last month. We would love to have you join the team, your professor from UC Irvine couldn’t say enough good things about you! Not to mention your credentials as a volleyball player, those speak for themself. The committee wants to fly you out January 15th to see the facilities and talk shop. Give me a call when you can, my assistant will send the ticket and hotel arrangements over today.  _

_ Happy Holidays, _

_ Taiki Jennings _

_ Manager, Team USA Volleyball.  _

There were a few more exchanges between Iwa-chan and this Taiki person, but Oikawa couldn’t bring himself to read them. He felt cold despite being bundled under a comforter and Iwa’s big hoodie. Did his husband, hell his best friend of twenty years, not feel comfortable sharing this amazing good offer with him? It struck Oikawa the wrong way, he did talk a lot during their calls but only because Hajime seemed tired from his day and never enough that he couldn’t NOT bring up anything. They had been in the same country for a week now and not once did this come up. 

Oikawa thought it couldn’t get worse, but it did. His fingers itched as he closed the email window and browsed the email box itself. One more email left unread stood out...from their lawyer titled:  **RE: Urgent Help** . Oikawa felt his body drop several degrees. Tears pricked at Oikawa’s eyes as he heard his mom welcoming Iwaizumi back in. He knew how long he had before his husband would walk in, Oikawa needed to gather his thoughts quickly. The door creaked open and Iwaizumi padded in as Oikawa’s tears began to waterfall. Iwaizumi’s face lost all of the red brought out by the cold, stark white replaced and so did wide eyes. “Were you ever going to tell me?” Choked out Oikawa.

Iwaizumi sighed knowingly, he ran a thick hand through his hair. Seconds seem to pass by in centuries, something in Oikawa kept suffocating him. The thought of what Oikawa assumed was their decent marriage was becoming a figment of his imagination within minutes. “Listen, I’ve been thinking about it for a while” Iwaizumi started as he sat at the end of the bed. “I only regret not telling you sooner.” 

Oikawa’s body shook at the blanted admission and anger ran through him“Well getting a divorce usually takes both parties! God.” For a second time, Iwaizumi’s eyes widened to the size of apples.

“No, what the fuck! Tooru, I love you!” Iwaizumi said, raising his voice. “God, you’re so dumb! I emailed her about the legality of having a child! I want us to have a kid...to start a family.” Oikawa drew in a shaky breath as Iwaizumi wrapped strong arms around his shaking figure. Chapped lips kissed down his face, Oikawa drew his hands to pull Iwaizumi’s face away. 

“And the job offer?”

“I wanted to be closer to you, Shittykawa.”

“Hajime, I’m sorry.” Oikawa started, Iwaizumi drew a slight smile and nodded. The raven was relieved this was just a stupid misunderstanding. “I don’t think I’m ready for kids and you should keep your job here.” The smile Iwaizumi had dropped and eyes flashed with hurt. Thin hands pushed at the broad chest hovering over Oikawa. 

“I do so much for you, and you can’t let me have this? We haven’t lived together since we got married. When are we going to act like a real couple? Or would that burden the Great King?” Whispered Iwaizumi, the muscled body drew away. Oikawa barely registered the door opening and thudding feet hitting the steps. A simple glance at the beautiful gold wedding ring and Oikawa was sobbing. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kyotani looked like he was about to strangle Iwaizumi as the elder sat hunched over on the bar. Storming out of the house, Iwaizumi had no plan, but remembered that his kouhai had settled down a few neighborhoods away. The raven’s eyes narrowed at Kyotani’s wedding band and the background of their pinch setter plus the couple’s daughter on his phone occasionally lit up with a litany of texts. 

“How’s Yahaba?” Iwaizumi grunted, throwing back another shot of whiskey. “I bet he’s a great partner and you guys have a kid!” Kyotani's eyes seemed to narrow even more, as much as he did not like another man talking about how great a husband Yahaba was (the man loved his family and would protect them from anything) he held it in as his senpai was getting white girl wasted on cheap whiskey. 

“Of course he is. And yes, Iwaizumi-san, you should know Megumi as you’re her godfather.” Mad Dog finished as he slapped enough bills to cover the drinks. He dragged the taller man out of the bar and down the snow covered streets. Kyotani had let his senpai wallow enough, he didn’t agree with what Iwaizumi had said to Oikawa, but knew he needed a shoulder to cry on..or really bitch on. 

A few blocks and a semi-passed out Iwaizumi later, the two made their way into a nice house. Even in his drunken state, Iwaizumi was able to appreciate the life his kouhai had made for himself. Kyotani played for Sendai, married Yahaba at twenty, had Megumi two years later and bought his family a nice house. Iwaizumi was jealous. 

“Ken, let him sleep on the couch.” Yahaba said as the pair stepped out of the genkan. The thin man had his no-bullshit face which caused a chill up Iwaizumi’s spine. Yahaba had taken to Oikawa since joining the volleyball team, it would be unsurprising if the older setter had called the younger to vent. Kyotani laid the taller man down a plush couch and covered him with a blanket before taking his phone to go charge. Snores came quietly from the sleeping trainer as the blonde padded into the kitchen. 

Kyotani peered down at Iwaizumi’s phone as the screen lit up to display a photo of Iwaizumi and Oikawa at the Olympics, there were also three missed calls from the other husband and over seventy text messages. Warm hands slid around Kyotani’s wide waist and a face laid against his shoulder blades. “I’m not taking sides, but I hope Oikawa listens to Iwaizumi. They’re barely public and live an ocean away from each other. Iwaizumi has sacrificed a lot for Oikawa’s dreams.” Yahaba said quietly. 

The blonde nodded in response as he tapped the ring on his husband’s hand. Over his time bonding with Iwaizumi, Kyotani had grown aware that the raven was a hopeless romantic despite his facade. He also knew that Oikawa’s shameless flirting and flings in high school was a deciding factor in moving to the States for school, Iwaizumi nearly broke his own heart trying to be a wingman all those years. It didn’t take a genius to see that Oikawa owed Iwaizumi a lifetime of support, Kyotani just hoped the setter would realize it soon before it was too late to save the two’s marriage. 

Morning came quickly with rushing feet around the house, Iwaizumi woke up to the smells of coffee, miso soup and a young girl’s laughter. The raven felt like he had been hit by a brick, regardless he made his way into the kitchen where a cup of coffee was shoved into his hands. “Thanks, Yahaba.” The taller choked out in surprise. Yahaba gave a small smile and turned back to the stove where he was cooking the soup. Kyotani and Megumi sat at the table as they ate their cheerios together. Iwaizumi had to smile at the site as the two looked like twins, both giggling occasionally as they made funny faces at each other. The raven glanced at Yahaba as he watched them with a grin on his face. A crack ran through Iwaizumi’s heart as he longed for something similar to the picture in front of him. 

A bowl of miso soup later and two cups of coffee later, Kyotani was driving Iwaizumi back to the Oikawa family home. The pro volleyball player's luxury sedan (with a Hello Kitty car seat for Megumi strapped in the back) came to a stop at the familiar house as Kyotani asked “What are you going to do, senpai?” 

Iwaizumi stared out the window with a heavy sigh. He tapped his thigh and shrugged. “I need some time to think about...what I want.” Kyotani gave a nod. “I love him, Kentarou. Nothing could ever stop me from loving him, but I need to figure out what’s best for me. I can’t keep living a life that’s full of one sided compromises.” With that, the raven slipped out of the car and made his way into the house. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Searching for comfort of his own, Oikawa had made the trip to see Daichi and Sugawara. The latter always held such a mothering presence, which was further exemplified by making tea and serving him hot scones the setter had just baked, it eased some of Oikawa’s hurt. The couple had twins, Akira and Eiji who were three, their pictures lining every surface of the house. The toddlers were still asleep in their pale yellow room as the men talked in the kitchen. 

The small talk of happy family life was waning away, laughs became shallow and everyone began to wonder why Oikawa’s laughs had turned into tears - even himself. Sobs raked through the setter’s slender body as Suga ran calming hands down his back. “I think I broke Iwaizumi’s heart.” Oikawa admitted as hot tears slid down his cheeks. “There’s no recovering from this.” He laughed cynically. “God, I hate myself so much right now.” 

Both Daichi and Suga wrapped their arms around the brunette and made worried faces at each other. Oikawa recounted the previous night’s events, slight hiccups interrupting him occasionally. The couple in front of him had frowns by the end of it all, Oikawa could only assume they were out of concern for the state of his marriage, but also Iwaizumi’s feelings. Yells for  _ Papa  _ and  _ Daddy _ cut through the tension, Daichi hurried down the hall to the twin’s room. Suga sighed as he sipped his matcha. 

“You know, when we first got together,” The crow paused before continuing. “Daichi and I were unsure of even getting married. I argued constantly that I didn’t need a piece of paper to acknowledge..hell to even confirm I was married to him. I mean what’s the point when it’s not even legal!” Suga let out a chuckle. Oikawa sniffled and nodded as he listened to the soothing voice in front of him. “It was our first anniversary after Daichi joined the force, he proposed to me with a ring. I refused again and we almost ended right there.” 

Oikawa’s breath hitched at the thought of the ever-so perfect couple not being together. Hell, they were like mom and dad to all the volleyball players. “We talked, with the help of a counselor, and I realized that marriage was important to Daichi because it’s a part of his values. It might not have a true rhyme or reason, but it was something dear to him and I wanted to respect that because honestly, I was just afraid of being invalidated by the government for my sexuality.” 

Suga took in a deep breath. “Listen, Tooru, marriage or even just being in love isn’t easy at times. You have to make compromises. Iwaizumi has made a boatload for you and your career. So, I need to ask: is the having children thing and him moving to the States really something you don’t want...or is there something you’re afraid of?” 

Oikawa felt as though he had been slapped across the face. He looked around the kitchen, the fridge at terrible artwork - obviously done by the twins - pinned to it. Sippy cups were strewn apart in the sink and two high chairs sat in the corner. It dawned on Oikawa that maybe it wasn’t children that scared him. 

“I’ve worked so hard. I’ve endured pain that some athletes can’t imagine having.” Oikawa sighed. 

“The cartilage damage?” Suga asked. 

Oikawa nodded. “It’s like I’ve built this temple, but it’s all out of paper. Yet, I realize I didn’t build it alone. I built it with Iwaizumi, but I take all of the credit because if people knew..how much I loved him, they would blow the temple away. I want to hold onto both, because if I can’t..I feel like I’ll go crazy.” 

“Because you’re afraid of showing the true Oikawa? That you’re more than a cocky, talented setter? That you’re human and struggle like all of us?” 

“Yeah.”

“But that would cost you..Iwaizumi.” 

“I know.” 

Suga tapped the mug he held. “It’s either your image or Iwaizumi.” The crow stood up and moved to pour himself more tea. “One is unforgivable and one is rebuildable.” 

The conversation came to an end as little feet pounded into the kitchen. Suga put on a happy face despite being clearly off-put by Oikawa’s admission. The professional setter took it as his time to leave and said his goodbyes to the young family. As Oikawa neared his childhood home Suga texted him.

_ Here’s the number to my therapist. I’ve been worried about you for sometime, it’s okay to be anxious but...it’s clearly interfering with your happiness. None of us want to see you two separate, so please consider talking to her.  _

**_Shimizu Kiyoko_ **

**_Licensed Therapist_ **

**_Phone Number: 81-101-101_ **

Oikawa silenced the phone as he stepped into the genkan and chucked his shoes off. Walking into the kitchen, he saw his mother reading a note. She had been crying.

“Oh..Tooru. Hajime, he said he needed to leave..he needs some time.” 

**Author's Note:**

> i hoped you enjoyed it! i legit have so many fanfic ideas bc haikyuu! is my comfort series. i'm just kinda going wild with writing them


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